oh dad..

to all my friends that already know about my psychotic father, this is no suprise. For those who dont know, maybe someone you guys can ask me the whole LONG story.


Anyway, when I was taking my SPM examination, he cursed me to get ALL E's for my exam, and today, when i woke up, he suddenly scream at me, telling me not to come home anymore, just stay in Melaka. okay dad.. dahla aku jarang balik..


and he's cursed for today is.... (drumroll please..)


"I will fail all my exams and I will grow up to be a bohsia"


THANKYOU DAD.


and i love you mom. I know in Islam, mother's wish is three times greater than dad's. Now I know why. Im not worried because I know you will always wish me the best mom.

an evening with...

name:firahzulkifli
status:confused
song: Menjaga Hati by Yovie and Nuno
current issues: him.

I'm at home!!!

The first time after I set foot at UiTM for this semester. I came home because my mummy had call me asking me to come back and Berrie asked me to go home too because he's going to JB for this weekend, to perform at City Plaza. Kaklong came home with me too today, we went to Sarah's house first and her parents pick her up at her home.

So, the pictures above are random pics taken by Pingu's NEW handphone, with camera, mind you.hahahahaha. Still, most of it is taken when we were hanging out after the "pasar" on last thursday, just doing nothing and wasting our time :D

Okay, back to the main story. Berrie is getting better now, but somehow I cant forget the way he said "he can easily take me back". Although he's making GREAT effort to mak eme happy now, and he seriously does, I still cant feel the spark we use to have. And its sad, especially when our one year anniversary is just around the corner ;(

I dont know what to do. How am I supposed to make our relationship to being back to normal? I love him, really i do, but I just dont feel it that much anymore, the spark, I mean.

help, tell me what should I do..

Back to the guy that I like story, after smsing him the whole day (and he totally layan me without stoping at all), he stop in the evening, but later that night, he comment me saying that he has no credit. After a few comments, he suddenly stop replying :(

So, after a few days him not replying, I comment him again, thinking it to be my last one, saying "giler jual mahal, taknak kawan dah" and he did reply. But he said that "tak pahamlah, sape jual mahal? xnk kwn dgn sape?" I dont get it, I dont think he's that blur, right?

Many says that he's backing off because I already have a boyfriend, because if he didnt like me at all, he wont be shy to meet me face to face, and asked his friend to pass his cd to me, right? and sms me whole day, just like that.But now, I think he REALLY dont like me, i dont know what to do ;(

once upon an indie gig

name:frhzlkf
status:panas
song:teruskan by gray
current issues: best of indie?

hello my everyday people :)

So okay, last two days, which is a Sunday, I went to the Best of Indie 2008 gig in Melaka. (where else? I'm stuck here, aren't I?). Its a whole lot of trouble to go there, but finally we've made through, thanks to Berrie. Why? Because most of my friends dont really like gig an dmusic and all this stuff, and the one who does is not going because they had attended the Its A Mix-Up gig just the last weekend, and yeah, financially problematic. ;p

So I missed the free KAMI gig on the Saturday because of the sleep in and yeah, I have no mood at all since there's no one else who really really wanted to go. Later that night, i decided to go to the Best Of Indie gig the next day, after a meet up with nizam and some of berrie's friends who are indie's freaks. Still, its not confirmed, so we still didnt book any car. The very next morning, Berrie woke up at 9Am just to find a car because I so badly wanted to go. I know he stills feels guilty after what had happen and wanted to make it up to me. At one o'clock, he finally get to borrow Ayman's car, because all other efforts had failed and I was so dying to go.

Nezam's juniors, (all three of them), begged him to let them follow, and after a lot of torturing (haha), he let them and all of them crammed up at the backseat while Berrie and me sits leisurely in the front seat.hahahaha. We arrived at the gig at around 3.30 pm, and its only starting. biaselah, janji melayu kot. And seriously, its so empty, I thought its not even starting yet. So empty compared to ARA music fest. Surely the organizer will lost aroung 5-6 thousand.

Still, the gig was okay, only that berrie is a total hardcore, so I spend most of my dancing with Nezam instead.hehe. Couple was great :DD

And yeah, I got a free Cd from Nerdluck. THANKYOU NERDLUCK :D

and also, I bought romancesa's tshirt, and yeah, the guys are so friendly, tahts what I love about this kind of band. Modest and friendly people :)

overall, Its not much, but Im happy and satisfied. Thanks to couple, nerdluck and nezam and yeah, his juniors :D

not forgeting berrie lalink :)

scandalous

name:frhzlkfl
status:pening
song:The hell song by sum 41
current issues: scandalous :D


hello :D

Okay, for those who have read my past few entries, they should know about the crisis that I;ve been having with Berrie right? Maybe most of you told me to just let him go, but I'm inlove, and you know how hard it is to still be in love after that certain someone treat us like THAT right? Still, atleast Berrie is trying to make up for his mistakes and I've been reminding him everyday about what he had done, and so far so good; he's been VERY EXTREMELY good to me.haha.

Still, I'm not going to let him go that easy. I have been flirting around so much now, which I had never ever done ever since I'm Berrie's. I know I know, that's bad, but he have to pay for what he did, especially after saying that he's so sure he could get me back after dumping me, right?

I think I have this HUGE crush on this one band dude, and I think its going on well. I feel so bad about this. Dont get me wrong, i am still so much inlove with Berrie, and I think I'm just infatuated with this guy. The problem is, I'm afraid I will like him more and more if he keeps on giving me feedback and Berrie still doesnt make up for his mistakes. But oh God, how I still love him so mucj. I wish every single day for what had happen never ever happen.. I think the tragedy really changed our relationship, once and for all..

So, its not wrong for me to go back to being flirty right?

the marathon

name:frhzlkf
status:pening

song: kau telah pergi by gray

current issues: the marathon

hello again my everyday people! :)

this entry is to update on my last weekend. Yeah, I know that is such a long long time ago, but hey, I want all of you to know what had happen in my life kay :D

It all started with the mix-up gig on the 12july. I arrived at 4 (yeah, im late, I know). I enjoy the whole show, both indie and hardcore. The gig is great, except for the part when the girl berrie had the scandal with perform. After the gig, we fed our stomach at McD, since non of us had eaten anything teh whole day, escept for lots of bottled water.After eating, shisha at Klebang is the next destination. Hanis and Sydney is not used to shisha but they tried it anyway. Syd dont like it at all, but Hanis seems to be okay with it. kaklong,Alip, Berrie and me takes turn shishaing until all of us gone all weng weng. And after one basket of otak otak, two tube of shisha, one milo ice, and two spilled coffee (the boys spilled them), we split off, back to McD.We just linger around the area, not eating,mind you until the sun rise, which is not that long after we arrived.

Betweem the whole period of time, the two couple, which is berrie and me and kaklong and alip had our fair share of fights.hehe, of course. But all ends well. We had our breakfast at McD, and right after that, went to Dataran Pahlawan and Mahkota Parade for our shopping spree!!Berrie bought his quicksilver slippers, and he's so damn happy about it.haha, comel giler okeyh!! My friends all went to watch hellboy but I didnt follow since I want to shop. Berrie and me decided to go to MBO while they are in the cinema because seriously, Mahkota is so damn full of crowds!!Too bad, Berrie lost his way, and just when we set foot inside MBO, my friends call me saying they finished the movie and its time to go back.I was so mad at berrie because he take his own sweet time smoking and eating, making me late for my shopping spree!And he bought me a suprised rose later that evening, to pujuk me.hehe :D

We had our late lunch at nasi kandar pinang besar and yeah, head back to UiTM. Which means, locked doors and gossiping.hehe.

The marathon continues however, when the enxt day, after my evening class, Berrie took me and kaklong out to continue our shopping spree, since he feels bad about the day before. I only had time to shoppd for 4 shirts and one pair of shoes because Malacca's stores closes early. Im kinda dissapointed, but atleast I still get to shop and Berrie had make his best effort to let me shop, knowing it will make me happy :D

thanks sayang!

still in love?

name:frhzlkf

status:sleepy

song: with you by jessica simpsons

current issues: is it over?

Hey,I am so sleepy since I still havent take my after class nap (which I took every time I finish a class, hehe), still, there's just too many things that I need to update you guys on :) First of all, my relationship with berrie is on the rocks. i love him so much, I still do, but sometimes love alone is not enough when its tainted with lies, right? It all started when Berrie send a wrong sms to me, calling some other band girl "sayang". i can take ajoke, I admit I too sometimes call my guy friends sayang, but what hurts me the most, he didnt tell me about it. Im okay with everything, just as long as he told me about it.I dont like the way I found out about it.

he was supposed to play for the girl's band since she dont have a drummer yet, so because i was so hurt, I asked him not to play for her, thats all. One simple request. But he didnt want to do it. He said he cant do that to the girl, which makes me wonder who she is. After a long long night of fighting, the next day, he told me okay, he wont play for that girl's band anymore. I was so happy and is willing to let all of this go. Unfortunantely, three days after that, when we are eating dinner together, his phone received a sms, and he quickly hide it from me, which HE NEVER DO BEFORE. Too bad for him, i saw who sms him, and its the girl! He deleted the messega, which I still dont know why even till now. He admit to me that he didnt tell teh girl that he;s not playing for them, and the WORSE part is that, he will just play for them at the gig. I asked him, "then you sanggup biar I sedihlah dekat gig tu? " and he said yes. He said he knows he can makes me feel okay again. He really take me for granted, dont he?

That same night, we had a huge fight! After hours of fighting, He said okay, he wont play for the girls' band, but its not enough for me, I dont want the girl's band to play at my gig anymore. But he still wants them to play.

To cut the story short, he dump me, just so that the girls band can play.. I wa sthe one who sms him and call him again, asking not to break up with me, and he said okay. he said he didnt mean it, he's only saying he dump me because he knows he can get me back. I sounded so cheap dont i?

At the gig, I just ignore the topic because I want him to have fun (yeah, I still think about him, stupid me). He is so lovey dovey with me after teh gig, and I make the conclusion that after the gig is over, he knows I'm the only who will be beside him, and not all the other bands that he adores so much, even dumping me looks good. Two night after the gig, i sms him, using an unknown number, disguised as that girl, and suprised suprised, even after he tells me that im the one and yada yada yada, he begged for that girl's forgivenes and say really sorry he cant see her perform (because I dont let him). Its obvious he's not doing it because he loves me, but because he's only jaga hati..

i am really hurt and frustrated that I dont care much anymore. I think im slowly falling out of love with him.

How do you feel when someone you love and trust lie and dump you for another girl?

the final outing

name:frhzlkf
status:tired
song:forever by kristin lee cook
current issues:pavillion

As you guys may know, i didnt go out much during my semester break. So my final outing is on the 2nd of July, three days before i gone back to Melaka. There were supposed to be a whole bunch of us going out, but on the day, only four can make it. Its sad, I know, and im really REALLY dissapointed :(


To make matter short, we just roam all over KL, going to Sungei Wang, Times Square and Pavillion, watch Get Smart and do a bunch of silly stuff. although Its a lil boring, I still had fun because we took a whole lot of photos and yeah, because they are ALL my bestfriends. I miss them so much now, even though we had grown apart, so FAR apart.

dear berrie

Dear Berrie;

yayang, i hope you know that I sincerely love you so much, with all my heart. I fell inlove with the way you make me laugh when im badly broken, I fell inlove at how caring you were about me back then, when you make me officially yours, you dont know how happy I am that particular day. I know I will be happy. And here 10 months later, I know I'm right. I didnt say everything was perfect, we had our ups and downs but every little thing that happens in our way just makes us realize how much inlove we are with each other. Yayang, I know not all love lasts forever. Truthfully, i'm very scared that one day God will take you away from me, we might grew apart or lost the love in our hearts, but I prayed and wished every single day for that not to happen. I just wanna be with you for the rest of my life. Many things will come our way in the future, and who knows if we could make it through.. No matter how many times right now we say nothing will tear us apart, that doesnt guarantee us a lifetime together. Its sad to know, but its true to know.

I wish and hoped that the way we feel for each other now will remain the same and unchanged forever. Many things we have to face, true yayang, but I hope we wil still love each other. One day you might fall inlove with another, and i might fall inlove with another too, we dont know what the future had planned for us, but i want this feelings, right now, to never ever changed. I love the feeling of loving you, and i love the way you love me. I am so inlove with you yayang, and i hope all my prayers will come true and we will be together forever. i love you too much yayang.